two years and counting...

Wed 12/7/2005

So...yeah. It's December 7th. Which means that I have been single now for TWO ENTIRE YEARS. Auuuggggghhhhhhh! (The even more depressing thing is that technically I was single for a whole YEAR AND A HALF before that too, I was just too stubborn to admit it...)

Anyways, two years ago I realized that I was in a pretty bad place, in terms of relationships. I was basically only capable of being happy when I was involved with someone. And that's a pretty crappy way to live your life (not to mention being TOTALLY UNFAIR to the person you are with). So two years ago I decided that I would really take some time and work on MYSELF. I wanted to get to a point where I could be happy ON MY OWN before I tried mixing someone else up with my life.

And the last two years of my life have been really good for me I think. After I slowly worked my way out of the soul-crippling heartache I was able to make a bunch of new friends, and I really became a part of the Comics Community. All of my creative energy was poured into PHASE 7 which felt really good. I moved to New York and applied to Pratt and got my life "back on track" or whatever. And in the last two years I've had some times when I have been REALLY happy. And it was SELF-INDUCED happiness, which made it feel even better!

But SHIT man, it's been TWO YEARS, you know??? I feel like saying, "Okay! Thanks life! I'm doing better now! Enough with the DRY SPELL." *sigh* I guess it doesn't help that I obsessively work like a MADMAN on my school work and comics...

I think about this A LOT (if you couldn't tell...) and it seems really confusing. I mean, I think the work I'm doing right now is really important. I'm at that point where I'm really trying to "establish" myself and set up a CAREER (gulp) for illustration work. That's why I moved to NEW YORK. So working hard is what I need to be doing right now. But I also know that most sane people who are looking to be in a relationship would probably not be willing to put up with my work habits. I know there is some balance in there, but I also know I'm not very good at finding it.

ANYWAYS, I'm doing my best to try and NOT obsess over this (PFF!) because I am a big fan of letting life just HAPPEN and remaining optimistic that things will work out for the best. But I'm also making a concerted effort to be more social and get out of the apartment more often. So...yeah. Sorry to bitch and moan about it. Really my life is a lot better right now than it has been in a long time, so I shouldn't complain. It can only get better from here on out, RIGHT??? (uh...right?)

7 comments on this entry

I'm sure people will disagree with me... but I believe there are tons of "ones" out there. A couple years ago I was fixated on finding "the one"... and since then I've come to believe they're everywhere. If you want to date someone, all you really need to do is say it'll happen, and put yourself in situations to meet one of the many. I truely believe there is happiness out there for everyone of us, a thousand times over. Don't put too much pressure on it, just have fun. So... in order to do that you have to make time from work, which you are. So it'll all happen soon... probably when you LEAST expect it. Draw! Socialize! Homework! PARTY!

Aaron Dec08

You know, I am lucky enough to have met someone even while I was (forever always) obsessively working and drawing -- but now I'm wondering exactly how one is supposed to *socialize* while obsessively working and drawing and dating.

I agree with Aaron, but I also have gone for looong spells where I kept meeting "ones" that really didn't work out, and was left wondering wtf was wrong with me.

Somehow things fell into place, however, so there is hope for us hopelessly overproducing workaholic types.

However, I went three years, damnit! You haven't seen nothin! (Wait, that wasn't very helpful..)

nate Dec08

it'll happen when you least expect it and are not looking--- i met kevin while i was working at kinko's back in durham, nc and we have been together 10+ years now (:)> >(:)=

while i WAS looking actively, it just led to disaster and heartache from me just trying to make the person i was with fit some sort of ideal in my head... and--- it wasn't working!!!

so, i guess my advice is to make an effort when the situation presents itself [whether at a party or on the subway], but try to avoid putting pressure on yourself for the sake of doing so, if that makes any sense at all :-))

p.s. i still have a left-handed letter for you in the works... the icky day job has kept me confined in my birdcage for the last couple of months, but it's easing up now (:)>

stephanie Dec08

Thanks you guys. It's nice to get advice that is NOT "Get out there! Go to bars!" or whatever. I'm ALL ABOUT just waiting it out and being open to things... but also trying not to make the same mistakes I made in the past.

"Patience is also a form of action" -Auguste Rodin

Alec Dec08

Reading this, I am reminded of that Evan Dorkin comic where a guy is walking through NYC, thinking about how lonely he is, and the final panel is him in the middle of a gigantic crowd of people, and they're all thinking "why can't I meet someone?" (or something like that).

I think that even though it's scary or seems sleezy, that you should just try to start conversations with every girl you find attractive or endearing, because that way you'll know that you made the effort, and you can't bang your head against the wall later screaming "WHY DIDN'T I TALK TO HER!!"

Liz Dec09

I agree with Aaron there are many " ones" out there.

as for being with someone and at the same time be able do your art I know that is hard to do. Especialy in NY. But I think the answer to that would be that the right person for you, might be an artist that can understand the need you have to create and loose yourself in your art. If she is the same way it wouldn't be an issue.
I personaly find that if my heart and soul is blessed to be with the right person my work flows twice as fast so the time I spend with her doesn't damage but makes my work better.
Like I used to say to a painter friend of mine that was completely alone for the first 25 years of his life.
How can you possibly paint love, passion (and the pain that sometimes fallows) if you have never experianced it.

My advice to you when you make first contact is be yourself be honest and relaxed.
And don't forget to smile

Philip Dec09

Here's the personal ad I've been working on for you.

SWM 26 tall, handsome, bearded seek SF 20s for LTR. I am a full time student and illustrator who spends all day sitting at a drafting table. I am looking for a sexy/geeky girl to sit on
my bed quietly reading while I draw 14 hours a day, taking only short breaks to watch old movies while you give me gentle, therapeutic massages on my back and wrists. Must be willing to pose for my life drawing homework and converse in random Star Wars quotes.

It's a work in progress.

greg Dec10

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