Return to New York

Wed 8/1/2007

I had a window seat on my red-eye flight back to New York on Monday. This elderly couple sat down next to me and the old lady said "Hello dear" quietly to me as they settled in. "This'll be okay" I thought.

Then a few rows ahead of us there was a ruckus. I guess this really obese guy couldn't get his seat belt on, so he had asked for a seat belt extender. But he was sitting in the exit row, and I guess that request somehow disqualified him for sitting there. Within a few moments the nice, quiet couple were gone and this huge man and his wife were trying to cram themselves into the seats next to me.

He was literally so obese that his stomach was touching the seat in front of him, while his legs were splayed to either side. His arm was completely over the arm-rest (in MY SPACE) and he had the most horrendous, stomach-churning B.O. I have ever experienced. He wedged himself into the seat, snapped in the seat belt extender and then announced loudly to no one in particular, "Well, FUCK ME!" My thoughts exactly pal!

Needless to say, it was one of the worst 5 hour flights I have ever experienced. The guy watched two movies in a row, laughing the whole time (literally shaking my seat) while I stayed plastered to the wall, breathing through my mouth in an attempt to NOT rub against his sweaty, hairy arm, or smell his B.O. UGH!

It was already 80 degrees when we landed at 7am and I returned to my neighborhood to find that all the streets had been torn up for repaving. The chicken/duck slaughter house on the corner had continued to hose its waste out into the street, though without a smooth surface, it could not now run down to the drain. Instead it was trapped in small puddles all down the street and was evaporating into the air, causing one of the most god-awful stenches I have ever experienced! Welcome home!

It has been in the 90s this whole week. Had I not gone home to Seattle, I probably wouldn't even notice, but as it is, it feels like I am BURNING in HELL. So much so that I shaved off my beard in an effort to stay slightly cooler.

Anyways, sorry to complain, but I am not very happy to be back! I can not wait for summer to be OVER. Luckily I have a lot of cool stuff to work on, so I'm sure I'll be in a better mood again in a few days. For now I'm just scrambling, trying to get caught back up with everything!

10 comments on this entry

hahaha! you're hilarious alec. welcome back to NYC! i can relate. LA smells like piss & skunk everywhere. i don't get it.

nate Aug02

HAHAHAHA oh my god alec! oh my god! i'm sorry to laugh but anything that starts with "This'll be okay" and ends with "it feels like I am BURNING in HELL" and has "the most horrendous, stomach-churning B.O. I have ever experienced" in the middle is inescapably hilarious.

grizzo Aug02

Oh man if that flight had had terrible turbulence the whole way it would have been my personal nightmare. Having recently experienced a horrendous flight myself (should have taken 8 hours, ended up taking 26) I can sympathize. At least I got a comic out of my pain, what with all the long layovers. All you had to show for your experience was maybe some lingering BO!

Liz Aug02

I bet he smelled like a bag of bruised onions. Good times.

Arlene Aug02

Liz - 26 hours??? Gawd! That's about how long it took me to fly to AUSTRALIA.

Since I couldn't sleep, I too got a lot done: scripting the second draft of my upcoming Papercutter story. Productivity addicts unite! ;)

Alec Aug02

your face looks tiny without a beard.

I thought the ill-behaved German twins I shared a row with (swinging headphones, running across my lap, and generally looking like Augustus Gloop) were bad. Yours sounds positively nightmarish.

Chris S. Aug02

oh, don't you look happy to be back!!! ;-))

if this makes you feel even a teenier bit better, the baby bird left on a red-eye flight for nc yesterday morning and was verbally sodomized by the car service driver--- i think he thought kevin was gay because of where we live and was trying to up his tip or get some action on the side :-0

only in new york, right???!!!

stephanie Aug03

I can see this as a sort of Persephone story- She gets to spend 1 week a year in "heaven on earth" (aka the NW) before having to return to hell via economy class. And Persephone in this case is a dude.

Jed Aug08

terrible... sorry your return to NYC was not a happier one. chin up bro (now that we can see it).

Jewett Aug08

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