bla BLA bla BLA!

Thu 11/10/2005

Man, lately I have just really been feeling like CRAP. I don't really know what's going on. It's like I have all these things that I really DISLIKE about myself and when I'm alone I think about them and how I DON'T want to do them anymore, but then when I interact with people I still DO! (??!)

Lately every time I open my mouth to talk I can hardly believe the things I'm saying, or HOW I'm saying them. This voice in my head is like "Shut up! SHUT UP!" (like RIGHT NOW--what am I even SAYING?) I've always wanted to be one of those people who is silent, but when they DO say something they actually HAVE something to say. I used to tell myself "Be cool like James Dean" to try and remind myself of this... But I TALK too much! I guess it's just who I am... The cell phone with "free" evening/weekend minutes isn't helping much either. Instead of just stewing in my own madness I can now call people on a WHIM and unload on them. I feel like I'm driving all of my friends nuts!!

Ack! I should probably just put all this crap in my journal. I felt like I had to update the blog though... I've been getting antsy if I don't update it every few days. Nate put this feature in the back-end of A-L.com where every time I upload something to the site there is a counter that tells me how many hits there have been. And after the whole Ignatz Award thing I've been getting more than 100 hits per day. (WHO ARE ALL OF YOU PEOPLE???)

On one hand it's great--when I have something to share or a good story to tell, but on the other hand, if I don't update for a week that's like 700 times someone came to the site and was like, "Ahhn, nothing new here..." For certain aspects of the site (like my Comics progress bar) I INTENTIONALLY want that added pressure, as my P7 subscribers have already PAID for the next issue of PHASE 7 and I need to get it done. But with the BLOG? ugh! I don't know... I'm just feeling crazy lately.

So...yeah. Maybe I'll take it easy with the updates in here? Unless I have something to say? Or maybe there'll be a TON of updates... don't ask me!

3 comments on this entry

That drawing is hilarious!

I hear ya about this dumb guilty urge to update the BLOG. Makes me want to remove it altogether from my site (besides the fact that it bugs me everyone thinks brainfag is "just another blog" when it's been handcrafted since 2000). But there are times where I really like having this random, rambling, letter-to-all area to vent in.

I think everyone understands you're busy with school, so fuhgetuhboutit, no stress, just focus on the comics!

nate Nov11

Dude, the newest posts are incredible . . . I'm so impressed! I mean I always knew that you were talented, but the stuff is just getting better and better . . . I only wish my students made the same progress!

tom Nov15

Wow, thanks Tom! Let's hope all of these newly honed skills translate into WORK when I graduate in 2007... :)

Alec Nov17

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