Food Fixes

Mon 4/24/2006

For a guy who hates food I SURE AM A FRICKEN FOOD GENIUS.

Food Frustration #1: I always buy bananas. But even if I eat one a day, there are too many in the "bunch" so they go bad. I try to eat TWO a day, by taking one in my school lunch, but it always gets smashed and I do NOT mess around with bruised bananas.

SOLUTION: Wrap. The. Banana. In. BUBBLE WRAP!!! (FRUNCH, YOU GETTING THIS???) I tried it today and it TOTALLY worked. My banana got thrown in my bag, jostled around on the subway, thrown to the floor in class and yet, when I pulled it out for lunch (AND UNWRAPPED IT FROM THE BUBBLE WRAP) in was perfectly unblemished. BOO-JA.

Food Frustration #2: Sometimes I'll get chips and salsa at the grocery store. But invariably I run out of chips and end up with half a jar of salsa in the fridge. What the hell am I supposed to do with that salsa?

SOLUTION: SALTINES!!! I seriously don't know how it took me 26 years to think of this, but thank god THAT'S over. Saltines are like the STAPLE of my diet, and lo and behold, when they are covered in salsa, they taste pretty much EXACTLY like tortilla chips (only more filling!)

Food Frustration #3: I put my veggie burgers on toasted english muffins (which are approximately 1,000 times better than BREAD or BUNS). BUT. At my grocery store English muffins come in packs of 6 and veggie burgers come in boxes of 4.

SOLUTION: I know, all you Math Majors (FRUNCH???) are saying "Get two packs of English muffins (12) and three boxes of veggie burgers (12)" BUT. In the time it takes me to get through one pack of English muffins the second bag will be molding (I don't go in for that "bread in the fridge" nonsense). So check THIS out! DOUBLE UP. And by that I mean, buy one pack of English muffins (6) and two boxes of veggie burgers (8), but for TWO of the English muffins make a double-decker veggie burger! HELL YEAH!!!

I'm mostly really excited about this because TWO of those epiphanies came to me just today. Yeah... now if I could only remember to EAT!

14 comments on this entry

ha! your food entries are the best!

i feel like i'm on another planet in re: to food, especially with this damn no-grain, no-sugar diet i've been on for the last .. ? 3 months? i just ate apples dipped in peanut butter and a chicken salad with salsa. (and sake, which i'm not supposed to be drinking.. bah!) i have to make everything myself because i can't eat out at all... and it's all meat and fish and veggies (and cheese and homemade yogurt, oddly enough).

i'd kill for an english muffin.

nate Apr25

Auughhh! This is why we need to implement the Single Person's Grocery Store, where you only buy what you're reasonably going to eat. I have the same problem with too many bananas, and there's only so much banana bread I can make. I'm also sick of my loaf of bread going stale before I can finish it. Single people - unite for smaller portions!

Laura Apr25

Hey wait a minute--You're not single any more!!! Get your BOYFRIEND to eat those extra bananas! :P I'm just kidding, I totally agree with you Laura.

While we're at it, I also think there should be a "Single Person's Wedding Ring."

Seriously, a ring on the left ring finger is such a quick efficent way to say to EVERYONE, "Hey, piss off, I'm MARRIED." Couldn't we take one of those other 9 fingers to say, "Hey, I'M SINGLE"? It would make things SO MUCH EASIER. Who's with me???

Alec Apr25

My wife says this post makes you "Bachelor of the Year."

Um, you guys do know you don't have to purchase the whole bunch? Break em up. I eat bananas almost every morning in my cholate-protien-iron-B12 smoothie. I also put my bananas in the fridge, which everyone seems to think is insane. Whatever, they last longer. So does bread!! That way you can stock-up when it's on sale.
Here's my super single vegan eating tip: almost anything can be made into a burrito. Raw veggies, cooked veggies, grains and legumes of all sorts - heck, mashed potatoes! Do it up, quick and easy!

Robyn Apr26

Hooray! I'm bachelor of the year! Or, wait... DAMN! :(

Robyn, at my market the bananas are inside a plastic bag so I don't feel right ripping that open to pull out a few bananas. Also, I hear you about the fridge, but for some reason I really dislike frozen bread. (I usually don't have time to thaw them in the morning) But you are right--there are solutions, so I shouldn't complain! And WORD to burritos!

Alec Apr26

good ideas. a few other possiblities:

bananas - when they are on the verge of not eatable (or bruising for you - i eat food perty borderline myself, thanks to an iron stomach passed down from me dad) you can make banana bread - actually that is the best time to make it, when the bananas are overripe. I also sometimes smush them up and mix them in my oatmeal, it gives flavor without too much sugar

english muffins - (though I enjoy your idea more) I was taught to put bread in the fridge if it was past a few days - it keeps much longer. Just means it needs to be toasted before eating otherwise it can be kinda dry.

ya my 2 cents. enjoy your day :)

elysa Apr27

Well... putting bread in the fridge doesn't FREEZE the bread. It just keeps it not moldy. I also keep my bread in the fridge. I really like bruised and black bananas... so... if you ever forget the bubble wrap just give them to me.

Aaron Apr27

Oh, and Robyn... I love making weird things into burritos. Any sandwich makes a great burrito. PB and Banana Burrito! MUSHY BANANA! It's like GUAC!

Aaron Apr27

This is all very funny because my friend here at Stanford (Erin) was just talking yesterday about how there should be a "banana amnesty" program. The key idea being that when you're tired of eating the last few bananas in the bunch, you can bring them back, no questions asked.

As for the g-burgers, Alec... what about the BIG packs of garden burgers that we always used to get? I think there were like 12 of them in a stack. Then you could get that and 2 packs of English muffins (keep one pack in the fridge, and one pack in the freezer for when you run out), and it would exactly even out!

Anyway, sounds like I need to write a paper for you about optimizing food consumption under constraints of trips to the grocery store, etc. :-)

frunch Apr27

Dear, THE WORLD - I cannot put bread in the fridge. I live with three other people and our fridge is 100% packed!!!

Frunch - Your food optimization paper would totally rule. But I think we got those 12 packs at COSTCO, remember? To my knowledge such a thing does not exist in New York City. (The idea of cooking your own meal is foreign enough here, let alone buying food in BULK!)

Alec Apr27

Thanks for putting the progress bar for that Robert E. Lee book on the main page of your website. Now you need to implement a reading schedule. A page a day? 15 minutes of reading a day? Remember, I'll give you $10 when you finish it. Cash money! I want that thing gone.

greg Apr28

Ten Bucks?! For you Greg (and my Grandfather, who gave me the book) I'll try to read a page or two before going to sleep each night.

What REALLY needs to happen, is I need to finish penciling P7 #010 (which I'm doing on the Subway each day). In a week I'll have that time "back" and should plow through the book. Hang in there!

Alec Apr28

Can I make a suggestion? Perhaps this might seem a little too weird, but when I was growing up, my grandparents always had frozen bananas for us when we came over. They were really good. When they're getting almost too ripe, you peel them, wrap them in foil, and stick them in the freezer. Viola! A banana popsicle! Try at least one before you say you hate it?

-B

P.S. If you wonder about this strange creature who taunts you with frozen bananas, my husband is your only subscriber in Idaho.

Rebekah May01

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